The most amazing thing - choice

I was trying to nurse Rinn to sleep on our bed. Trying, but not succeeding. Ok, I wasn't actually trying that hard, but still. I had just bought these wonderful IKEA (one of the best stores ever) curtains - long, thin, white, and mesmerzing to watch in the wind (lots and lots of wind here) - Rinn and I were gazing at them together while she was rolling around on the bed. She would roll over and hold her head up and look and the curtain flutter above her head then roll on her back and gaze some more. Then, all of a sudden, she rolled right next to me. Not because of chance, but because she wanted to. She wanted to be next to me and so that is what she did. She chose to.

At that moment, it hit me why God gave us free-will. I could have brought Rinn to me, as I have done many times, and held her without her having any options, but that would not be loving her. Allowing her to roll where she chooses, letting her learn and explore the world for herself and then having her decide on her own that she wants to be with me is something that is far sweeter than grabbing her and holding her close myself. What a wonderful moment.

I love to watch my baby grow. It is amazing to think that this is the first time that she has done this. I remember her being born and how she has developed over the past 5 months and I wouldn't wish to go back because what I have now is so wonderful. It blows my mind that I am watching her learn how to choose. Analogies are exploding in my mind! How God portrays our relationship as parent and child has come into a new light for me. As has free-will. I never expected to have such enlightenments from watching my child. Thank you God.

Also, I am having fun with the analogy of Rinn rolling around the bed with me on one side and the edge of the bed on the other. You know, choosing between God and death, me and the side of the bed. . . with the curtain fluttering like the Holy Spirit. . .but I couldn't quite figure out if I would have been a better symbol for the Father or Jesus and if I was one, where would the other be. I'm thinking Jesus would have been the more logical symbol because I was breastfeeding her, having her eat my body and blood (see Rinn's Godmama Jenn's excellent thoughts on this here). Anyways, it was a wonderful experience and I look forward to many more mindblowing times in the years to come. Thank you God!